ah shit. everyone's planning not to sleep and buck up on studies. though i said that i will need to buck up, but i dont see that im bucking up. im using com whenever i feel bored. when i should study if i feel bored.. how.

hai. need extra maths tuition liao. gotta call miss celina up for some extra lessons ^^ even if xh is not free, i still gotta go. and to read through all the notes that was taught on that day. to get better understanding. ^^

seriously i think you should like reflect on what you did. seriously..
i've totally given up on you alr. you think ________ is cool? seriously, you think that feeling rocks?
PLEASE, let me tell you, that sort of feeling, sucks alot. so what if they help you a lil for making you feel great? then aft ahwhile? the stressfullness you're having will be back once again!
and secondly, i dont think you should treat ______ that way. like hey, you should be talking nicely in order to remain friends. but on the contrary, you're like spoiling everything, creating troubles? making people dislike you? god.
why are you doing all these? seriously.. i think i should just leave you alone.

do whatever you want for all i care. really, you're only harming yourself. all the best uh.

i dontknow why but i feel like blogging, but bs is kinda like "full" cos i've posted twice today alr. so i shall post @ lj ^^ just have got too many things i wish to say. but i dont wish to publicize it as well. probably just some things i really want to emphasize on bah?

well, i guess friends always have conflicts, isnt it? it's only the matter that whether or not you're willing to solve the conflict. both of us are really stubborn cos nobody wants to initiate to talk to eachother first. which probably will never solve anything. so well, after thinking i think i should.. tried to talk, but not as much. thought things were ok. but on second thoughts, i dont think they're? you guys are alr starting to have negative thoughts on me, which i dontknow what i should do. i called one of you up, you told me that i should try to put myself in other shoes and not create big things. well, i dont quite agree w you though i accepted your "requestment" cos firstly, i think im always putting myself in other shoes and that's why i hide things from yall as i know im not supposed to say and stuffs. and im not trying to make things big. cos i just couldnt stand people talking about things which aint true. but you know, you're not only PEOPLE to me, you're like my good friend? so obviously the anger/disappointment/sadness will be bigger right? agreeable? i dontknow what i could do now. i totally skipped co, cried, and not do anything but reflect on myself aft whatever that had happened. you might think aiya crocodile tears lar, trying to imply that it's not my fault. but before you think that way, continue reading on.. i didnt mean that i want to tell people that it's not my fault, though i see that it's really not my fault in any sense besides the not talking to you and talking things out part. but apart from that, im seriously disappointed. like, you think that whatever you say doesnt matter to me though it's only small stuffs, but i swear, it does matter to me cos you're my friend. if you're just like some stupid classmate, do you think i bother? maybe i would just scream and shout at you asking you to f*** off. but i didnt? i really didnt wish to like make things bigger til all your "unreasonable" msgs came in.

you're just trying push blame on others. ya sometimes i do so too cos when i feel like hey it isnt my fault, and i would tend to push to others. but at that point of time, did you take my words to heart? from whatever you said to me, it just seem like you dont care about this bloody friendship. like i lose you so what? that type of thing? maybe you dont think that way, but you make me feel that you think that way. im sry. sometimes we should really learn to forgive and forget. i tried to? but have you? i think you're still bearing the grudge in you. but think again, is this your fault? the problem lies w you being too innocent and trust people too easily by telling things out despite knowing he/she will DEFINITELY spread. what if things get big? what if things werent about what we're now? what if things were some RIDICULOUS stuffs? so i just wanna say im not being unreasonable you see. i just wanna talk things out and let you know how i exactly feel. but have you actually done the same thing by telling me how you felt? and define the word trust. it's not that i dont trust you or what. is not that i dont share things w you/you guys. i did, didnt i? so i dont think that point you were right. and by saying that it'll affect your studies, that hurt me alot. cos you're saying that studies are more imp. ya duh they're imp to you, but hey what if i lose a friend i go emo like some emo kia, and then it affects my studies? so the prob is all you care is yourself. maybe im like being too harsh here, but isnt better to like say things out than keeping it inside?

i know you're probably reading this and might get angry or smt. but sry just think, im just pointing out my views. not like i dont allow you to point out your views. you're welcome to do so. im waiting only.

just wanna say if i dont wanna revive this friendship, i wouldnt want to actually talk/be angry of/wonder/emo/be sad or whatever! it's cos i care and want things to be good so i typed all these and hoping you'll read this. otherwise, i guess im gonna email you?(provided if things dont go on well i mean)

oh btw, i wasnt stubborn actually. it was just unfair to me. all the long since pri sch, i did nothign wrong but yet im always the one who initiated every apology and stuffs. so i kept telling myself i shouldnt do initiate anything esp when it's not my fault. but upon hearing that you dont wish to initiate, i thought, aiya who cares. but if this continues, what will happen? plus you might be sad cos you thought i like someone you like. if you really thought so, come ask me if it's true. i will definitely tell you the truth that i dont, rather than you guessing there and be sad over it, really. i hope we'll be alright.